I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
