You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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