STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
