So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
