i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
