Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
