guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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