trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
