I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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