You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
