At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
