Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
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