I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
