I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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