im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
