Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
