I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
