I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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