Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize