Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
