i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
