Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
