Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
