And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
