I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
