Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
