You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
