Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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