I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
