that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
