Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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