you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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