god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
