I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
