just come out here and I will go home with you...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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