i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
