i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
