so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
did you just send me my own nude
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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