This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
