she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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