if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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