glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
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