She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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