I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
