By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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