thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
