There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Randomize
