I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
