Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
