We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
