i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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