Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize