god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
