Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
