omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
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do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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