didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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