I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
