is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
why do cheetos always look like penises
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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