Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize