so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
