...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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