I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
