The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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