i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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