She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
