I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
