why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
