Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
