I need help removing her.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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