yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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