i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
