Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
