im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got inside last night via doggy door
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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