Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
