wanna go halves on a baby?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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