just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
