your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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